Tag Archives: gloom behind the smile



First published in 2011

    It gives me great satisfaction to share the fact that my book ‘GLOOM BEHIND THE SMILE’ has got entry into many prestigious libraries of the US including HCL technical services, Harvard College Library; Library of Congress, Washington DC and can also be accessed in the library of MIT, Massachusetts through worldcat.org. It is also available for reading in the University of Washington libraries—Seattle WA 98195 United States; University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, MN-55455 US; Library of University of Chicago; University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, NC 27514 United States and Yale University Library, New Haven, CT 06520 US.

    I began writing this book immediately after the untimely and tragic death of my son Shravan, as everything was fresh in my mind then. He had staged a long and valiant fight against Brain Cancer. But then he sadly succumbed to it leaving us all high and dry. He developed cancer, when he was just two-and-a-half. I was then thirty eight. The battle continued for 14 years and during that period he underwent as many as eight surgeries and a whole gamut of treatment that comprised of chemotherapy, radiotherapy and what not. My biggest challenge then was to keep a very fine balance between my career and my emotions. And of course keep myself solvent enough to meet the high cost of treatment. Further, as luck would have it, my wife in the process had to give up her career, as she was 24×7 required to look after the boy. Those days, I used to get a feel as if my entire life was in a deep muddle. Where, emotions had no place as that would have pulled me down on my performance. On the other hand outstanding performance would have earned me more incentives and salary and that in turn would have helped us in his treatment. So the whole thing was like a lethal chakravyuh that could have given anyone jitters.

    In this tough stranglehold of time, me and my wife spent some fourteen precious years of our lives. In that duration I grew from thirty eight to fifty two, when he finally expired. Those were the toughest years of my life. The idea of scribbling down this page, is to go down the memory lane and express my deep gratitude once again to each of those Good Samaritans who came into our lives around that period time to take us through that very difficult decade and a half, even when their names are mentioned in the acknowledgment page of the book I would like to thank them once again. Because in such adversities it is indeed the collective bench strength of all your well wishers that pulls you through the upstream.

    The book was intended to describe the grueling fight, our family had to undertake, in the India of those times to fight the dreaded disorder. And it also intended to convey, what it took, to see through 14 years of intense cancer, by an infant patient, who saw it through and through till he succumbed when he was sweet sixteen. It also detailed the issue of how noble companies fought for such causes for their devoted employees, especially, when Shravan’s medical insurance was not there, since he was just two and a half when he was diagnosed of cancer, clearly our fault. I’m sure the book has achieve the purpose for which it was written and most certainly it must have passed through many enlightened minds across the globe. Who, in turn will put their might together into this long standing challenge of cancer, for the world to benefit. 

    Here, I would also like to profusely thank all those, who helped me in bringing, this book to light. Where, I can’t forget my elder brother Ajit and his wife Aolla, my son Kartik, my colleague Bipin Bihari, Mr Vijay Sharma and my publisher Kaushal Goyal and of course my wife Sujata. For those of who haven’t read it. The book is not at all scary. On the contrary it will pep you up and make you realise there is always a way out in every situation.  

    The first publication was done by Shravan Charity Mission followed by Pigeon Books. For print copies kindly contact Pigeon books website and for e-book antrik.com. (In antrik.com after entering home page go to categories than biography/autobiography where you’ll find the book.

    The details of its cataloging in various libraries is given below:

(http://hollisclassic.harvard.edu/)  (this is the harvard link. Kindly write ‘gloom behind the smile’ in the search column that will take you to web page where the name of the book and other details are mentioned.

  1. HCL TECHNICAL SERVICES, Harvard College Library, Cambridge, MA 02139 United States vide storage noumber RC 265.6.S68 T75 2011 at Widener offsite storage Hollis number: 012926119.
  2. UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON LIBRARIES-SEATTLE, WA 98195, USA- Available at Suzallo & Allen Libraries- stacks (call number- RC 265.6.S57 T75 2011)
  3. UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA, MINNEAPOLIS, MN-55455, USA- available at TC Wilson library Ames (RC 265.6.S68 T75 2011
  4. UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO: http://pi.lib.uchicago.edu/1001/cat/bib/8457173 
  5. UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA at Chapel Hill, NC 27514 USA, Davis Library 8th floor, RC.265.6.S68T752011
  6. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, Washington (biggest library of the world) DC 20540, USA, RC 265.6.T76 2011
  7. YALE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY, NEW HAVEN, CT 06520, USA- call no RC.265.6.T76x2011(LC)

By Kamlesh Tripathi







I saw you here and I saw you there.

Even when,

 I know all very well,

You aren’t really there,

And every year on this day,

You do send me to despair.


When I reflect,

I still can recollect,

 Those lovely moments,

When you were born,

And I had thought,

We’ll be together lifelong,

But that was not to be.


In your fight for life,

I remember with gripe,

Seasons had come and seasons had gone,

Where time was kind but destiny was strong,

Though time fought well, yet destiny won,

As it snatched you,

With its divine intents.


Now that you’re gone,

There isn’t too much of a song,

Except for the noble mission,

That you had brought along.


You often come in my dreams,

That brings me loads of serene,

Is when, I willfully dream,

To serve those sick umpteens.


It is said,

Life is a mystery,

Where destiny is another name of cruelty,

But God is kind,

And time is like a serpentine.


And when I bring it upon myself,

I realise,

Your short span was indeed the mystery,

Where destiny pulled off the cruelty,

And between mystery and cruelty was God’s beauty,

But where time still meanders like the serpentine’s ferocity.


In this windswept life,

One more year goes by,

But I’m happy to tell you,

I’ve kept your mission alive.

So rest in peace,

For you have achieved your destiny.


In warm remembrance of our son’s birthday. Who left us some years back.

By Kamlesh Tripathi





By Kamlesh Tripathi


    “Nobody can tell what I suffer! But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.”—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.

    It is indeed difficult to even imagine how much these young kids suffer. Yet they put up a brave face. They don’t complain of pain, and require no one’s pity.

Recently, we visited these brave kids in a hospital. They are diagnosed of cancer. All are a bundle of joy. But are oblivious of what they suffer from. They smile more than us. And, that is where they put us to shame, when it comes to raw guts. We handed over our contribution in the form of cheques, to all the three Parents, of these bravehearts.


My eyes went moist. When, I saw young baby boy Rihan. Who is five and suffers from NHL (Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma). He has been fighting cancer for the last six months. His father who works as a compounder has already spent more than two lac on his treatment. His income as told to us is around ten to twelve thousand per month. We wish Rihan all the best. And compliment his Parents for taking up this brave fight against cancer.


Garv Chaudhury, baby boy, age two years, was the second child, whom we met from Bulandshahr. He appeared every bit a joy. He was fast asleep when his mother tickled him to meet us. Surprisingly, he didn’t wake up crying. On the contrary he got up staring at us. He suffers from Pre-B ALL (High Risk). We wish him all the very best by praying to God Almighty. We would also like to compliment his father who is a marginal farmer and his mother who is a housewife in taking up this arduous fight against cancer. We wish them the best.


Next, we met Ayesha, a bright girl in her teens from Jaipur. Her father is self-employed and runs a workshop. His monthly income is around ten thousand. Ayesha is fighting cancer for the last one year and is diagnosed of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. We wish her all the best in her fight against cancer. We also wish her Parents the very best in taking up the brave fight.

We all are so busy with our daily lives that we rarely think of such unfortunate and poor children who suffer from cancer. Should you want to contribute for the cause the account details are as given below.

Name of Account: Shravan Charity Mission

Bank of India account no: (680510110004635)

IFSC code: BKID0006805






By Kamlesh Tripathi

sikh flag gloom

An excerpt from the book ‘Gloom behind the Smile’

    It is amazing to see some cities and states losing people to other urban areas that are dynamic. This has also been happening across countries and continents. I guess this is how civilizations kept moving from one place to another. I was reading about a Sikh Guru. He once visited a village and stayed there for a few days and then prepared to leave. While he was leaving he blessed the village by saying ‘May you prosper by staying here only.’ Guru moved on and as night was setting in he camped in another village and stayed there for a couple of days and enjoyed their hospitality. While leaving he blessed the village by saying ‘May you prosper and move to other parts of the world.’ A keen follower.Who was watching. Asked the Guru as to why he had given two types of blessings. To his disciples in two different villages. The Guru replied that the people of the first village. Though looked after me, were not very cultured. Therefore, I blessed them. But prayed to God. That they should not move out and spread their culture. I found the second village well cultured. Therefore I wished to the Almighty. That these people should prosper and travel to other parts of the world. So that they spread the light of their sweetness and culture everywhere.

Write to us for hard copies. Or you could purchase the book online from any book store. E-book can be downloaded from Antrik.com or Pothi.com.


#SHRAVAN #CHARITY #MISSION-MANDATE- #donate to help #poor #children suffering from #cancer


scm image

20150425_140213Dear Friends,

Shravan Charity Mission was started in the memory our late son ‘Shravan.’ He was diagnosed of ‘Brain cancer’ when he was only two-an-a-half years old. And after a long and well fought battle he succumbed tragically when he was sweet sixteen in the year 2009. It was a very launcharduous journey for us and since then we decided to help ‘Poor Children Suffering from Cancer,’ and the NGO was registered for this purpose.


Background: I have served in big corporate companies for over 36 years across India and at senior positions. But, I now pursue the cause of cancer. I am also a writer, author and a freelance journalist. I also run my own blog as detailed below. Through this blog we cover activities of our NGO where we make direct T150_6248_9789382025030financial interventions for treatment of poor children; and we also write domain articles and also article of general interest. Currently we are working with Apollo Hospitals in their poor children’s ward, with Dr Amita Mahajan, Pediatric oncologist.

My wife is an educationist and works as a Principal in a B-Ed college and my elder son and daughter-in-law are both with corporate companies.



I am also giving below some other URLs with a brief introduction of what it stands for as it will help you in understanding our activities even better:

http://goo.gl/uZ26An   Shravan remembrance day advertisement in the 20150214_153302newspaper on 24th February.

http://goo.gl/m6AbCF   NGO Activity: Distributing toys to poor angels suffering from cancer.

http://goo.gl/4XqeQI  Another way to remember #St #Valentine: #NGO activity on 14th February 2015

http://goo.gl/XmtzoQ   NGO activity #Caring for #poor #child #cancer #patients.

Dr Amita Mahajan, Apollo Hospital handing over medical assitance cheque
Dr Amita Mahajan, Apollo Hospital handing over medical assitance cheque

http://goo.gl/lpjcb1    NGO activity in the hospital on 25.4.15

http://goo.gl/vIGUIY   #Nepal #Quake- 25.4.15, 2015. Short article on a lifetime of tragedy.

http://goo.gl/dNl0wZ   HOW I DE-STRESSED MYSELF – IN A REAL LIFE20150214_153021 SITUATION. the ultimate stress buster is your mind (Spiritual and real life)


http://goo.gl/oHCcOz   Lucknow Observer- Interview

http://goo.gl/ei8Fpa   #Liquid-biopsy being tested in the US may soon be a boon for cancer treatment.


http://goo.gl/zztfto   When even your critics come to see you off- Lucknow Boy Tribute to Vinod Mehta

MY PUBLICATIONS (Earnings go for the cause of poor children suffering from cancer)20150214_152415

http://goo.gl/eWuIS0  ‘#Book #review ‘Gloom behind the Smile’- A real life #story of a #child #cancer #patient (story of Shravan that you could purchase from us or an ebook from online stores – read the url) Book is archived in libraries of the US including the biggest library of world- Library of Congress, Washinton DC.


http://goo.gl/a1sUPH    ‘#Aadab #Lucknow … fond memories’ is a book on Lucknow’s #culture (in novel format) of #Hindu-#Muslim #brotherhood. E-book is available in amazon.com and flipkart and some other stores. Print copies available with us. Book was launched in Lucknow Literary festival last year.


http://goo.gl/O3FgDY    ‘One to tango … Ria’s odyssey.’  Is a #Story on #SINGLEHOOD about a #Delhi girl.  The book is now archived in prestigious Connemara library of Chennai. In case you require a copy you can find in any online store or write to us. download

Short stories for sale (Earnings go for cancer patients)

http://goo.gl/yCyImD     ‘WHO SHOT THE #WILD #BOAR?’  Is a #short #story on #wild-life written to aid poor children suffering from #cancer. Price Rs 100 for a PDF copy

http://goo.gl/88UVzd  ‘ ALLURING MIRAGE OF Raj estate-Ludhiana’ – a short family story written for the cause poor children suffering from #cancer. Price Rs 100 for a PDF copy.


  1. Account name: Shravan charity mission

HDFC account number: (04801450000140)

IFSC code: (HDFC0000480)

  1. Account name: Shravan charity mission

Bank of India ac no: (680510110004635)

IFSC code: (BKID0006805)

  1. Account name: Kamlesh Tripathi (for overseas $ transfer)

ICICI account no: (008301504072)

IFSC code: (ICIC0000018)


HOW WE DE-STRESSED OURSELVES– IN A REAL LIFE SITUATION: The ultimate stress buster lies in your mind




    I was once faced with an ominous situation that looked like a lifetime disaster, where my younger child was diagnosed of ‘Brain Cancer’ when he was just about two-an-a-half-years old. What followed thereafter was a long battle of nerves, emotions, brawn and brain through the thick and thin of my fast corporate life. Even though, at the end of it we lost the battle, because we couldn’t save him, but not before fighting up to the last straw.

    I then had a very demanding corporate job. And during that phase of my life we were located in various metros such as Chennai, Mumbai and Delhi –NCR. Where, we did not have any day-to-day support from our extended family nor even old buddies. Nevertheless, we had to survive, by fighting the menacing circumstances, where, caring colleagues and friendly neighbours were the only ones who came forward to help us.


    The prevailing situation fatigued me no end. I was working for some big banners those days who took good care of me. They were considerate under the circumstances. But I still had to continuously perform to keep my stalk and career ambitions alive. My wife, who too was qualified, had to abandon her career because she had to stay put at home to take care of the child. And beyond that, there were immense financial and emotional insecurities to deal with, in terms of expensive treatment, physical stress and the mystery behind the ultimate cure. 

    When he fell sick, we were in our late thirties. A tricky age, when we were not quite clear, whether we should adventure for a third child when the second was in peril to maintain the count of two. And God! it was a horrendous situation, when even the Indian economy every now and then was not doing well and lot of companies were issuing pink slips. This led to severe job insecurity, when every month our medical bills were spiraling above seventy five thousand in the final years of his life.

    But even with all these humongous issues we needed to work and survive. So, we charted out an omnipotent methodology to de-stress ourselves. It was a seamless combination of ideas, thoughts, mythology and even some physical exercises, that took us through the ordeal. And, as we were approaching the end, the intensity of stress increased exponentially, and under those circumstances this was how we eased our tension:



    Everything, in one’s life starts from the mind. Mind is your biggest problem. Your biggest enemy. But also your biggest friend. Your solution provider and leveler. So, we decided to control it by conditioning ourselves, in the following  manner: By …..

  • Deciding to do away, with all the negative emotions.
  • Nothing is permanent so why worry. Just keep doing what you are supposed to do under the circumstances.
  • PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) Pray and pray.
  • Don’t plan excessively. Take life one day at a time.
  • No matter how bad things are, they could be worse.
  • At any given time in your life. There is something going right and something wrong. This balances life. For in life not everything will go wrong, nor everything will go right in one go. That is the law of the nature.
  • Life is a very sturdy boat. So, just keep moving and don’t stop. For movement is life and stillness is death.
  • Whatever, you can do for the child do within your means. Don’t get intimidated by what others tell you to do. Especially, if it is beyond your means.
  • Our child may have to leave the world soon. But even I have to go some day. For that’s destiny. At the end of it we all have to go. No one can fight the law of nature. So why worry.
  • Don’t try to run the universe yourself. Leave few things to God. Your child could be one of them.
  • Human beings are blind. They can’t even see the next moment of life. So how can they predict the time of anyone’s death.
  • There is something called the destiny. Try and believe in it.
  • When the child was very critical towards the end days. I started believing in miracles all the more. Even when it did not happen with us. But it kept me charged under the circumstances.
  • I started taking my work more passionately. Remember your daily routine could be one of your biggest stress busters.
  • Just dress up and show up for work. Never sulk around in those negative surroundings and emotions.
  • After a bad day there is always a good day. But one really doesn’t know which is that bad day and which is a good day.
  • Only get dismayed by situations you have created for yourself and not situations that God has created for you. For he only will correct it. ‘Brain Cancer’ was God’s creation.
  • Try and be watchful whenever, there is a change of surroundings, locations, friends and colleagues around you. For, every change of situation, will have something new to offer. And, with that. There is also a possibility of some new energies coming close to you to influence you. Remember, life is all about positive and negative energies.
  • Life is an esoteric journey. For every new situation you’ll have some new company who would leave you when that part of the journey is over. So nothing is permanent.
  • To console ourselves we even started thinking. This child has a short life.  He is here to spread a message. So, don’t just feel morose about it and help the cause.
  • In those firefighting days we had created our own little Gods. Anything, that helped our circumstances was like a God to us. And, how clearly, we felt. There are two worlds. One is the world of cancer and the other is without it for the lucky ones. Where, we belonged to the former.
  • We never initiated a discussion around our child’s health to look for sympathies. As we believed in God and in ourselves.


  • I took up to regular walking and weekend Golf. It was a great stress buster.
  • Deep breathing became a regular activity that helped us in restoring freshness and rejuvenated our lives, even in those scary nights when we couldn’t sleep.
  • I got hooked up to one of the soap operas that suited my timing for deflecting my tired mind.
  • We kept our home ambience alive for we didn’t want to give advance invitation to death. And, in that, we looked for micro positivity in life.
  • Whatever the child wanted we provided. We were proud of him and never negative.
  • I got into a hobby that still continues. To divert my mind.


  • What to talk of human beings, when, even Gods had to leave their mortal bodies.
  • The biggest unknown boon of life is a painless exit and a dignified death. Mythology, combined with our circumstances taught us that.

    These are pointers from the book: “GLOOM BEHIND THE SMILE” now catalogued in many libraries of the US including Harvard and Library of Congress. It is also catalogued in libraries of Canada and even India.


By Kamlesh Tripathi


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    Shravan Charity Mission is an NGO that works for poor children suffering from life threatening diseases. Should you wish to donate for the cause the bank details are given below:


Account no: 680510110004635 (BANK OF INDIA)

IFSC code: BKID0006805


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