In my spells of loneliness I look for my happiness. When I get up early in the morning, it is quiet and lonely. This is when, I hope to come across happiness. The present moments are serenading and moving, where, you can even hear yourself breathing. It is still dark outside, but the dawn is about strike and where, the sun is gearing up to rise. The mood is dreary with all sorts of fears. As if, the heaven is far away, but the hell is about to strike, maybe anytime, during my life. People call it depression. But I guess that is only an impression. I slowly rise to sit on the bed. The silhouette on the side tells me, she is still, fast asleep. There is no pleasant reverie that tickles my funny bone. And like every day. I think of my God who has gone off to sleep and refuses to wake up. When I’m again struck, by that galling, every day whoosh that echoes once again … there is always so much to do, and how do I improve.
My mind is all confused as if I’m still in the woods. I squirm in mild agita and hackneyed clutter. When, I decide to leave my cot. Pondering, slowly, I walk up to the loo. And where, the first thing I try and do, is to woo my rue, with a splash of water. That brings the first ray of happiness on my just woken up, face. I follow it up with another and then another. It tones me up.
I decide to sprawl in the lawns for a while. Luckily I’m bereft of thoughts. So, the mind is empty. They say an empty mind is a devils workshop. But here, the devil is missing. Perhaps, he doesn’t believe in the age old proverb, anymore. He is in great demand. As, he has a lot to do, in terms of bearing out, the holy world, into turning unholy.
My mind has nothing to say. There is no content fermenting in it yet. So, heart is at peace. The dawn is now alive and the sun is now behind the high rise. The loneliness has only expanded and with that happiness has arrived. But I know it is only momentary. I often wonder who distributes these merry tickets of joy. Barring the early morning cameo I’ve never seen her in full flow.
She’s a mystery, happiness. She often comes uninvited. She follows no path. No paradigms and no rhymes. Nothing influences her, not even, tons, of holds in form of gold. People die for her and people lie for her. Everyone wants to hobnob with her. But she is aloof and beyond any loop.
At times one gets to feel, even God cannot control her. But yes, there is something that can tame her.
Says Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore—‘It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.’
So, won’t it better to look for happiness in divine simplicity than in nightmarish loneliness?
By Kamlesh Tripathi
Share if you like it
Shravan Charity Mission is an NGO that works for poor children suffering from life threatening diseases. Should you wish to donate for the cause the bank details are given below:
NAME OF ACCOUNT: SHRAVAN CHARITY MISSION
Account no: 680510110004635 (BANK OF INDIA)
IFSC code: BKID0006805
GLOOM BEHIND THE SMILE
(Archived in 7 prestigious libraries of the US, including, Harvard University and Library of Congress. It can also be accessed in MIT through Worldcat.org. Besides, it is also available for reading in Libraries and archives of Canada and Cancer Aid and Research Foundation Mumbai)
ONE TO TANGO … RIA’S ODYSSEY
(Archived in Connemara Library, Chennai and Delhi Public Library, GOI, Ministry of Culture)
AADAB LUCKNOW … FOND MEMORIES
(Launched in Lucknow International Literary Festival 2014)
REFRACTIONS … FROM THE PRISM OF GOD
(Co-published by Cankids–Kidscan, a pan India NGO and Shravan Charity Mission, that works for Child cancer in India. The book is endorsed by Ms Preetha Reddy, MD Apollo Hospitals Group. Book was launched in Lucknow International Literary Festival 2016)
(CAN BE BOUGHT FROM ON LINE BOOK STORES OR WRITE TO US FOR COPIES)