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HOW WE DE-STRESSED OURSELVES– IN A REAL LIFE SITUATION: The ultimate stress buster lies in your mind

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    I was once faced with an ominous situation that looked like a lifetime disaster, where my younger child was diagnosed of ‘Brain Cancer’ when he was just about two-an-a-half-years old. What followed thereafter was a long battle of nerves, emotions, brawn and brain through the thick and thin of my fast corporate life. Even though, at the end of it we lost the battle, because we couldn’t save him, but not before fighting up to the last straw.

    I then had a very demanding corporate job. And during that phase of my life we were located in various metros such as Chennai, Mumbai and Delhi –NCR. Where, we did not have any day-to-day support from our extended family nor even old buddies. Nevertheless, we had to survive, by fighting the menacing circumstances, where, caring colleagues and friendly neighbours were the only ones who came forward to help us.

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    The prevailing situation fatigued me no end. I was working for some big banners those days who took good care of me. They were considerate under the circumstances. But I still had to continuously perform to keep my stalk and career ambitions alive. My wife, who too was qualified, had to abandon her career because she had to stay put at home to take care of the child. And beyond that, there were immense financial and emotional insecurities to deal with, in terms of expensive treatment, physical stress and the mystery behind the ultimate cure. 

    When he fell sick, we were in our late thirties. A tricky age, when we were not quite clear, whether we should adventure for a third child when the second was in peril to maintain the count of two. And God! it was a horrendous situation, when even the Indian economy every now and then was not doing well and lot of companies were issuing pink slips. This led to severe job insecurity, when every month our medical bills were spiraling above seventy five thousand in the final years of his life.

    But even with all these humongous issues we needed to work and survive. So, we charted out an omnipotent methodology to de-stress ourselves. It was a seamless combination of ideas, thoughts, mythology and even some physical exercises, that took us through the ordeal. And, as we were approaching the end, the intensity of stress increased exponentially, and under those circumstances this was how we eased our tension:

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  1. CHAIN OF STRONG THOUGHTS:

    Everything, in one’s life starts from the mind. Mind is your biggest problem. Your biggest enemy. But also your biggest friend. Your solution provider and leveler. So, we decided to control it by conditioning ourselves, in the following  manner: By …..

  • Deciding to do away, with all the negative emotions.
  • Nothing is permanent so why worry. Just keep doing what you are supposed to do under the circumstances.
  • PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) Pray and pray.
  • Don’t plan excessively. Take life one day at a time.
  • No matter how bad things are, they could be worse.
  • At any given time in your life. There is something going right and something wrong. This balances life. For in life not everything will go wrong, nor everything will go right in one go. That is the law of the nature.
  • Life is a very sturdy boat. So, just keep moving and don’t stop. For movement is life and stillness is death.
  • Whatever, you can do for the child do within your means. Don’t get intimidated by what others tell you to do. Especially, if it is beyond your means.
  • Our child may have to leave the world soon. But even I have to go some day. For that’s destiny. At the end of it we all have to go. No one can fight the law of nature. So why worry.
  • Don’t try to run the universe yourself. Leave few things to God. Your child could be one of them.
  • Human beings are blind. They can’t even see the next moment of life. So how can they predict the time of anyone’s death.
  • There is something called the destiny. Try and believe in it.
  • When the child was very critical towards the end days. I started believing in miracles all the more. Even when it did not happen with us. But it kept me charged under the circumstances.
  • I started taking my work more passionately. Remember your daily routine could be one of your biggest stress busters.
  • Just dress up and show up for work. Never sulk around in those negative surroundings and emotions.
  • After a bad day there is always a good day. But one really doesn’t know which is that bad day and which is a good day.
  • Only get dismayed by situations you have created for yourself and not situations that God has created for you. For he only will correct it. ‘Brain Cancer’ was God’s creation.
  • Try and be watchful whenever, there is a change of surroundings, locations, friends and colleagues around you. For, every change of situation, will have something new to offer. And, with that. There is also a possibility of some new energies coming close to you to influence you. Remember, life is all about positive and negative energies.
  • Life is an esoteric journey. For every new situation you’ll have some new company who would leave you when that part of the journey is over. So nothing is permanent.
  • To console ourselves we even started thinking. This child has a short life.  He is here to spread a message. So, don’t just feel morose about it and help the cause.
  • In those firefighting days we had created our own little Gods. Anything, that helped our circumstances was like a God to us. And, how clearly, we felt. There are two worlds. One is the world of cancer and the other is without it for the lucky ones. Where, we belonged to the former.
  • We never initiated a discussion around our child’s health to look for sympathies. As we believed in God and in ourselves.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES

  • I took up to regular walking and weekend Golf. It was a great stress buster.
  • Deep breathing became a regular activity that helped us in restoring freshness and rejuvenated our lives, even in those scary nights when we couldn’t sleep.
  • I got hooked up to one of the soap operas that suited my timing for deflecting my tired mind.
  • We kept our home ambience alive for we didn’t want to give advance invitation to death. And, in that, we looked for micro positivity in life.
  • Whatever the child wanted we provided. We were proud of him and never negative.
  • I got into a hobby that still continues. To divert my mind.

MYTHOLOGY A GREAT LEVELER

  • What to talk of human beings, when, even Gods had to leave their mortal bodies.
  • The biggest unknown boon of life is a painless exit and a dignified death. Mythology, combined with our circumstances taught us that.

    These are pointers from the book: “GLOOM BEHIND THE SMILE” now catalogued in many libraries of the US including Harvard and Library of Congress. It is also catalogued in libraries of Canada and even India.

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By Kamlesh Tripathi

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    Shravan Charity Mission is an NGO that works for poor children suffering from life threatening diseases. Should you wish to donate for the cause the bank details are given below:

NAME OF ACCOUNT: SHRAVAN CHARITY MISSION

Account no: 680510110004635 (BANK OF INDIA)

IFSC code: BKID0006805

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Our publications

GLOOM BEHIND THE SMILE

ONE TO TANGO … RIA’S ODYSSEY

AADAB LUCKNOW … FOND MEMORIES

REFRACTIONS … FROM THE PRISM OF GOD

(CAN BE BOUGHT FROM ON LINE BOOK STORES OR WRITE TO US FOR COPIES)

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YOU REALLY WON’T KNOW WHO ALL WILL BE THERE TO SEE YOU OFF WHEN YOUR MOMENT COMES

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We know nothing about our future, yet we all have a future.

As narrated by anonymous in Lucknow.

It was just the other day when I had gone for a cocktail dinner to one of my friend’s place, on the occasion of his daughter’s wedding somewhere in Gomti Nagar. I had really done a lot of planning to be there. Having come, all the way from Delhi. But for some reason my wife couldn’t accompany me on that particular day.

Considering it will be a late night. I had hired a cab for the evening; and was expecting to have some great recalling moments. Catching up with some very old friends.Whom I had not met for an eon now. Besides that, I also expected many unknown, yet distinguished guests on the occasion. Overall a formal flashy gathering, where I wasn’t wrong.

The party had just about begun in the first floor of a guest house that he had hired. The epicenter of the venue was quite well lit, with a festive ambience. Buoying with some lilting ghazals and appropriating the celebratory occasion to a rocking start.

I too saluted the moment by gulping down some whisky, as I waved out for some piping hot chicken-tikka-kabab, in the freezing, yet enjoyable ambient temperature. And, as I put a piece in my mouth, very strangely it went straight down my throat and into my food pipe before I could even chew it and started choking me. I felt a little alarmed and cussed to begin with.

First, I tried to gulp it down with some whisky and then some water. But to my shock both whisky and water started oozing out of my nose but the chicken remained where it was. I rushed to the toilet thinking I’m about to vomit but there too nothing great happened as the chicken piece or the chicken bone, still remained stuck.

In all of this some fifteen to twenty minutes must have passed. By now the party was in full blast, when I could hazily see, some unknown, yet smartly dressed up couples and their children around me. Just then, I felt I was close to a blackout. But there appeared not a single known face in the tangible surrounding. Whom I could have shouted for help. Moreover the music was too loud. And, by now I was beginning to feel a little embarrassed.

It was an unexpected and painful moment for me. When I could feel my present withering to a repulsive future. Coming my way on fast track; to grip me. I was now in deep agony now, for over twenty minutes. Breathing heavily through my nose and messy all over, is when I decided to leave. For I didn’t want the party to get spoilt. And by now my eyes had even blurred. All the fluid stuck in my throat was dripping out of my nose. My hanky was all wet and by now some people had also started noticing me.

Fortunately, I was able to locate my cabby in the car park. I waved at him. He appeared to be a smart guy. As he smelt something was wrong with me, just by observing my body language and drove the car right up to where I was standing, as if in divine sync. I slid in, and in panic, I asked him to take me home. And even though, he could make out, I was unwell, He did not say a word till he put the car in motion.

By now, another five minutes had passed. I called my wife at home and told her to be at the gate, to take me to a doctor forthwith. Briefly describing, what was stuck in my throat. She panicked upon hearing this. I was in deep agony by now. My eyes were closing and I was breathless.

Meanwhile, the driver, while he was driving, opened his water bottle and asked me to forcefully drink some water even if I couldn’t. Which I did, but nothing improved. On the contrary I became a little more uncomfortable. He then slowed the car and started patting me on my neck, but I remained uncomfortable. By now, I could make out we were crossing ‘Bhaisa Kund,’ the cremation ground at around 9.30 in the night. That was indeed scary. As, I found it quite still and dark, with I  so close to it. Will I be brought here tomorrow? Was the weird feel I got. And, will I survive this onslaught of chicken-tikka-kabab, I wondered, in surrendering emotion.

It was one of the most frightening moments of my life for obvious reasons. Since, no one from my family was there to hold me, except, the cabby who appeared as a family then. Who happened to be a young guy, and my only source of inspiration. Perhaps, the divine co-passenger sent from heaven, for the hallowed moment. I helplessly thought, will I make it from here? I pondered in pessimism, but by then my head had slumped forward, almost resting on the dashboard; perhaps the end was near, thought the cabby.

Is when I suddenly felt he had stepped up the vehicle. We were to turn right but he took to the left and in just about five minutes he stopped in front of a small hospital. He rushed inside and got a wheel chair and took me straight to the emergency ward with the help of a ward boy. By now, I was hardly able to converse, but the driver explained to the doctor, and the doctor with a minor procedure pulled out the chicken piece and advised me not to attempt it, ever again. And with that my trauma had subsided, but myriads of introspection arose.

Because, the last one hour had given me a feel of life’s biggest certainty, death. It also conveyed, you have very little control over your future. So enjoy every moment and create similar situations for others also. As anything can happen anytime. And all around you, you only have fellow passengers. For you don’t know who all will come to see you off. And, who all, you’ll see off, when the moment comes.

And, last but not the least, the incident took me close to an accident victim. Who suddenly dies away from his family and without any forewarning. He has no one to see him off. But my case was slightly different. Where, the fellow passenger, the driver in this case had come to see me off. For a moment I thought, the strong thread of family would have helped me go past that last flicker. From the feel of future to actually arriving at the future–death. But I guess the longing best wishes of my family and the presently departed souls at Bhaisa kund still wanted me alive and about, and so pulled me back with the lease of life. But then who knows when it will strike again.

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