Satire: JagdishTytler’s divorced conscience in conversation with Jagdish Tytler


By Kamlesh Tripathi


One day while Jagdish Tytler was taking a morning walk, he met his divorced conscience after many years, in the colony park behind his house. His conscience asked.

‘Hi Jagdish! How are you? And how is your legal battle of 1984—Sikh riot coming along? Have you been acquitted?’

‘Yes-yes, more or less.’ He replied in a cheerful tone.

‘More or less, what do you mean by more or less?’ questioned his divorced Conscience.

‘Dear Conscience, I visited Dr Manmohan Singh some time ago when he was the Prime Minister and requested him for a clean chit, and he in turn instructed CBI to give me a clean chit. So I guess I am out of the rut. But by the way do you know who Dr Manmohan Singh is, as I’m meeting you after an aeon?’

Arrey, Jagdish, so what if I left you in 1984, but who doesn’t know Dr Manmohan Singh. Isn’t he the same CEO of India under whose nose all UPA scams were committed? And, I understand through reliable sources he is again getting a plum posting, as he is now being offered the hot chair of ‘CEO-Hell.’

‘CEO-Hell—what is that- Conscience?’

‘Arrey, the way he was ‘CEO-India’ he will now be ‘CEO-Hell,’ where you don’t even require a nomination through Rajya-Sabha as he will be a direct appointee of the President.’

‘But Conscience, he is a very noble soul. Do you think he will be able to handle well, the affairs of hell which are rather slimy and tricky, as CEO-Hell?’

‘Let me tell you Jagdish, you can’t get a better candidate them him. Didn’t you notice how he turned India, which was heaven, into a ‘corrupt-hell-station,’ in just about a decade, and that to in connivance with the Congress High Command.  Boss you need to understand; appearances can be deceptive like Manmohan Singh, otherwise a meek and honest looking person, but individually, he successfully masterminded to make India one of the most ‘corrupt-hell station’ of the world. And don’t you worry about him as he is a smart operator, but yes, your case is indeed sad.’

‘But … how, Conscience?’

‘Oh-oh, Just to please Gandhi parivar and show your allegiance to Congress Party you instigated a slaughter of 3000 Sikhs, in Delhi riots, in 1984. And that was really stupid of you and what did you think you’ll go scot free after this ghastly crime? Kanoon ke haath bahut lambe hain Jagdish ji, perhaps you didn’t know that.’

‘But yaar Conscience if you will recall, it all started as a mob reaction, and at the spur of the moment, when Mrs Indira Gandhi was shot dead by her own Sikh guards.’

‘I know-I know everything, as I lived in you then and haven’t forgotten anything. You may use all the legal tricks now to defend yourself in the court of law, but in my court you will always remain guilty of this heinous crime ever.’

‘But, Conscience why are you holding me solely responsible for this crime as there were others too involved in this crime.’

‘Because you were one of the main accomplice’s in getting 3000 Sikhs massacred in the streets of Delhi. And, you made no efforts to stop the riots even with all the power at your command. I left you soon after this crime was committed in 1984. But did you ever introspect as to why you did this and what you got out of this?’

‘I don’t deny I was a great friend of the Gandhis and maybe I too got emotional when Mrs Indira Gandhi was shot dead.’

‘Or was it your insecurity, that if you don’t react sternly you won’t remain the blue eyed guy of Gandhis. You see Jagdish we often commit the mistake of internalizing a feeling in ourselves that we are permanently going to be part of this world and that makes us amass vulgar wealth, perpetrate heinous crimes such as this, and stoop to unethical levels and various sorts of Chamchagiri, trying to be more loyal than the king.

Analyse the difference between yourself and ManMohan, who after converting India into a ‘corrupt-hell-station’ is still roaming free; whereas you lost your complete political career. In 1984 when you committed the crime you were 40 and now past 70 and since then you have just been cooling your heels at home. You converted to Christianity under the influence of James Douglas Tytler a renowned educationist, who impressed you, but still went for this kind of a massacre. Oh what a bright future you had. But all down the drain.’

‘Oh Conscience what do I do now? Show me a way out.’

‘Well for such a genocide one only needs to visit hell for penance, where you’ll probably meet again your old friend Dr Manmohan Singh—CEO-Hell; who might suggest a way out. Anyways take care, and be cautious in your next birth.’

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